The first time I heard this question was at medical school orientation, and as I remember it, the seniors were not about to get philosophical when they asked this, rather it was a standard question everybody has to go through.
I cannot really recall my exact answer to that, but I'm quite sure I gave it a thought before blabbering away. Medical school was about 9 years ago, and I remembered calling home to announce my acceptance into the local medical programme: it was in the middle of afternoon, under the hot sun, and talking through my handphone (the size of about 5 common handphones of today's standard) still I couldn't believe that I got it.
There are a few incidences that happened along the past few years that brought me back to the basic, the essential drive for me to hang on long enough in this medical field. Those incidences are like batteries that run a whole machine, they may be small, but they're the source of power, the source of life that cannot be done without.
Been in administrative work for the past few months, sometimes I wonder, in what ways am I still a doctor. I don't want to lose that first love that I had for medicine, yet I find myself trying to emphasise the difference between a doctor doing administrative works and non-medical personnel doing administration.
I had to constantly look for new angles from which I can see the reason I am in this. Yes, I love the job, I love the stress that comes with it, I love the most-often overlooked importance of doing managerial Public Health, but I can't say that I have not been forewarned. Dr Koay, a senior and mentor that has taught me a lot of Public Health, told me that here, there won't be any obvious gratification like what we'll get when doing clinics.
I asked myself often enough, is sense of gratification really important for me? Although not willing to admit that I do, I have to learn to survive well without it. I don't think I have much choice.
Earlier tonight, I was catching up with a friend at STAR when suddenly there was a commotion near the receptiona area. The resort staff was talking veru loudly over his walkie-talkie and I can't help but over-heard him calling for an ambulance for an emergency in a patron's room.
I wanted to mind my own business, and trust that the paramedics will be able to handle things if they come. If they come on time, that is. And I can't help thinking what sort of emergency was it, heart attack? Heavy bleeding? So I went over and offered help. I introduced myself, and that was all it takes for me to gain clearance into the rooms and all.
It happened that a lady fell down and hit her back against the corner of a furniture and claimed that she could not stand up after that. Her husband was panicky, her other family member was panicky, and the hotel staff was panicky.
I cannot really recall my exact answer to that, but I'm quite sure I gave it a thought before blabbering away. Medical school was about 9 years ago, and I remembered calling home to announce my acceptance into the local medical programme: it was in the middle of afternoon, under the hot sun, and talking through my handphone (the size of about 5 common handphones of today's standard) still I couldn't believe that I got it.
There are a few incidences that happened along the past few years that brought me back to the basic, the essential drive for me to hang on long enough in this medical field. Those incidences are like batteries that run a whole machine, they may be small, but they're the source of power, the source of life that cannot be done without.
Been in administrative work for the past few months, sometimes I wonder, in what ways am I still a doctor. I don't want to lose that first love that I had for medicine, yet I find myself trying to emphasise the difference between a doctor doing administrative works and non-medical personnel doing administration.
I had to constantly look for new angles from which I can see the reason I am in this. Yes, I love the job, I love the stress that comes with it, I love the most-often overlooked importance of doing managerial Public Health, but I can't say that I have not been forewarned. Dr Koay, a senior and mentor that has taught me a lot of Public Health, told me that here, there won't be any obvious gratification like what we'll get when doing clinics.
I asked myself often enough, is sense of gratification really important for me? Although not willing to admit that I do, I have to learn to survive well without it. I don't think I have much choice.
Earlier tonight, I was catching up with a friend at STAR when suddenly there was a commotion near the receptiona area. The resort staff was talking veru loudly over his walkie-talkie and I can't help but over-heard him calling for an ambulance for an emergency in a patron's room.
I wanted to mind my own business, and trust that the paramedics will be able to handle things if they come. If they come on time, that is. And I can't help thinking what sort of emergency was it, heart attack? Heavy bleeding? So I went over and offered help. I introduced myself, and that was all it takes for me to gain clearance into the rooms and all.
It happened that a lady fell down and hit her back against the corner of a furniture and claimed that she could not stand up after that. Her husband was panicky, her other family member was panicky, and the hotel staff was panicky.
There wasn't blood, and she was not even bruising, but she needed a bit of encouragement before she would sit up on a chair, and finally stand up. All I did was to reassure her that it wasn't serious, and she believed me after being able to stand up and walked a little. After ordering pain killers to give to the lady from the first aid-kit, I left the scene and disappeared.
Dr Koay once said, that even our job in administration requires us to sit and do planning most of the time, but we are still doctors nonetheless, and no matter if a person comes with an MPH or DPH, but the initial MBBS is still the most powerful qualification. I didn't know why he was trying to convince me of this earlier, but now I see his point.
Yea, I did not do anything heroic or life-saving that night, but I left feeling my little batteries recharged again. I may not get thank-you cards from patients (like those that my colleagues from O&G get all the time -- gosh I am terribly jealous but not willing to admit it) but I guess I am going to be okay.
it's been a few months since I put down my stethoscope...
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