what i missed most doing clinics...

I have no idea as to why I am feeling this reluctance to be transferred down... as I could remember clearly, it was the same amount of reluctance that I have about moving back to KK from Lahad Datu... I guess I am just being myself, resistant to sudden changes, especially when it involves the whole work that I've poured my sweat and toil into over the past few months... blood I may not have shed yet, but my heart bleeds every time I have to break a bad news to an unfortunate client...

I was just going through again some of the nostalgic pictures that I took when I was manning a clinic some time ago... the feeling is definitely different from being a person doing management from a higher level... that personal touch that is felt when being involved in actual lives of a patient isn't there... on that higher level, one cannot afford the time and intimacy to do like a clinician.... do I miss that? Yea, I miss the time when people trust me enough, not just as an authority in health, but also because they know me personally. My advice carried weight because of this trust...

And I miss the time when I'd just make a round over the nursery and make sure that babies born in the clinic are okay and ready for home-care. I missed the time when I would just listen to their little hearts and lungs while letting them hold on to my little finger so they won't grab my stethoscope. I miss the blank nonchalant look when they'd wake up just a second to see who's pocking on their fontanelles and rubbing on their chest, let out a lazy yawn and go back to sleep again...

I miss the time when I am the only person who can tell (almost for sure) whether or not parents-to-be should buy blue or pink shades of everything... I miss the smile and sometimes tears that I see when I told them I see owl (sign of baby boy in the scan) to a mother with 5 other girls... I miss talking about yummy ways to prepare food with moms who can't seem to get their haemoglobin up... and things they should stay away from when they have a little high on blood pressure...

I miss the opportunity to really follow up on babies' developmental milestones... and I miss the wonder and amazement when kids that I once saw so little, call me duktur, and not afraid of me... I miss having to hunt down mothers who seemed not to make it a point to remember their kids' vaccinations... I miss that very pregnant period of calm before a baby gets and injection and cries on top of their lungs...

I miss being able to talk to daddies about the importance of responsible family management, which may include their participation on spacing their next pregnancy... I missed the silly questions they ask me because they never knew better, since guys don't talk about contraceptions much... I miss the time when we teach them to use condoms, and some hold on to it like it's a piece of vulgarity... I miss the time when we taught them to carry a baby using a baby doll, some tough, burly, muscular daddies-to-be were so uncomfortable they look like sissies handling a jelly time-bomb...

Come to think of it, I had such a good time doing clinics that I should not have any hesitations going back to what I enjoyed doing so much... well, maybe I should not hesitate.