the thought if i could be less complicated......

I was watching a love-comedy movie earlier titled "Definitely, Maybe" after a recommendation from someone I can't remember who now. Now that I am spending the week in Beluran, I found myself much time after work to watch all these middle-grade movies I wouldn't usually watch when I am back in KK, but hey, some of them turned out okay actually.

I was caught by a line the girl commented about her dad in the show, she said that her father was a complicated person, and the dad just gave her an acknowledging nod. That reminded me of my y!m conversation with another friend earlier. I was told that I am complicated... or was it my character was complicated... or was it my life that is complicated... I couldn't be too sure now, but I guess in many ways I am complicated, beyond my own understanding sometimes.

I often wonder, long time ago, what would life be like, if I am just a simple minded AhBeng selling hand phones in a little booth at the side of a shopping complex... or a DVD vendor on a mahjong table just at the corner of a pasar malam. What would I be thinking of when I wake up in the morning? I know what I would be doing on weekend nights, flashing my rope thick neck adornments and awe-inducing stones studs lining up my earlobes, wearing baby-Ts tight enough to induce minute traumas to the blood vessels on my skin and not forgetting... not forgetting one or two clingy AhLians, one on each sides, equally adorned with gold platted jeweleries and make-ups thick enough to make a plain Jo to appreciate abstract arts.

Okay, I didn't know where did all that come from, but that's very very much besides the point I am trying to get at.

Well, yea. Do these people actually ever stop to ponder... or even come across issues like quality of life... get into a debate on what does it mean by quality... or what is it about life all together? Have they heard of the term existential loneliness... do they wonder what it means... or do they know things like this exist at all?

I get told that I complicate my own life a lot. Because I think too much. Is it possible not to think too much if they're me? Well, it's hard to answer that question, because, for a start, they're not me. Speaking for myself, and the people who are like me, I think it is stupid, to even try to think less. What does it mean, actually, to think less? It is almost like asking someone "Here, eat some cake... but don't put it in your mouth." Think that makes sense?

But I know life can be a little bit less complicated, even for a morbidly over-thinking person like me. I only have to start by separating my needs from my wants. Problems arise when these two get tangled together and I lose the ability to prioritise.

For instance, on the issue of loneliness, what I need is a companion, someone that I can love, and be loved in return, there when I need a shoulder to cry on, and depends on me for protection, comfort and security, and of course, vice versa. And what I want, to top that up, is someone who is philosophical in thinking, challenges my thoughts, free-spirited in nature, independent enough to respect individuality yet clingy (just) enough to know that we'll be there, together, through thick and thin... of course, one that comes with 95% compliance to the must-haves check-list for a perfect someone to go through eternity with.

I guess I can be less complicated, if only I can separate the wants from the needs. The need is always the simple necessity, while the wants would complicate it, after all, I am just a simple person with simple needs but complicated wants.

I guess we all can be a little less complicated, if only...