My Own Happiness Project

My Own Happiness Project
because happiness begins inside and flows out...

20080113

the one about an almost typical sunday in my life...

1230am - finished journaling and zzzz.....


0645am - rise and shine...


0745am - On the way to Mass at St Paul's Chapel on the Hill, Kinarut


0756am - The journey takes 25 minutes on and old trunk road


0800am - arrive at St Paul's Chapel


0815am - waiting for Mass to start


0825am - stained glass. Still waiting for mass to start


0825am - the quiet moment, preparing for mass (still waiting)


0850am - Br Mark giving an off-pulpit sermon


1005am - heading home


1020 - stopping by at CKS to get Coke for Mom


1047am - home and breakfast


1230pm - watching tv


0230pm - reading magazine while waiting for an appointment later


0340pm - meeting up with KC to design a result card for clinic use


0342 - lunch: chicken peach salad and tiramisu ice blended @ CBTL


0702pm - chicken herbal soup, pork in soy sauce and vege for dinner


0720pm - searching a Dusun song and blogging


0850pm - out to get the Dusun CD


0925pm - couldn't get the CD but spent RM23.90 on a karaoke of the same artist


My day has not ended by the time I posted this blog, but I don't think I'll be doing much later... shower, more reading and perhaps sleep early...

the one song that's been haunting my mind today...

Sometimes that can be irritating but I kinda like this song... the tune is so disturbing, I actually went out to get the CD to sing along (couldn't download from the net) and did some homework on the meaning of the song... getting in touch with my keDusunan bah...

KOSOROU KOPO NANGKU DOHO
Jestie Alexius

this is the singer of the song, pic taken apparently circa end of May-early June

Id tanga tuong
Okito ku tulan rombituon
Kopurimanan ku osongulunan oku
Do inggino ko koupusan

Intanganku posorili
Anawau binabang tulan
Kinotu ku iso tusak bunga
Ii minungkalad tanga tuong

Lumangad oku dika
Langadon oku miampai dika
Osorou ku sinuau nu, oh koupusan

Koginawaan ku dika
Batos ku dika oi koupusan
Kosorou kopo nangku doho
Lumangad oku dika...

Note: All artistic sentiments were lost during translation... sorry...
it IS a nice, romantic song, really...


In the middle of the night
Looking at the moon and the stars
Realizing that I am alone
My love, you're not here

I look around
The brightness of moonlight
I pick a flower
Blooming in the night

I miss you
I long to be with you
I remember our times together
Oh my love

My love for you
My promise to you, my love
Do you still remember me
I miss you

20080112

the one about truth, dreams and lies...

As Sheena super-dramatically puts it...

****************************

I've seen this tag going around, and since nobody bothered to tag me on, I'll just tag myselflah... Not that anybody reads my gloomy monotonous monochromatic blog anyway...

So how this thing works, bold if the statement is true, italics if I WISH it is true, and leave it as-it-is if it isn't. Okay. And add some witty remarks at the end of some "remarkable" statements. Okay.

****************************

I miss somebody right now. I'm missing many people right now...
I do not watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses. Not or, and. Of course not both at the same time.
I love to play video games.
I have tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse. Man, do I curse... , the p***** and the f******** type. Not the hocus-pocus type.
I'm totally smart.
I've broken someone's bones. Never do CPR on a bed without a backing board, especially if you're my size...
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi. and sashimi...
I talk really, really fast. In Sabahan bahasa pasar, yes, really fast...
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling. Three younger others, actually...
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. Not quite, but I've put on fake boobs in my saree, parading down Bangsar for a dinner-party with the theme "don't come as yourself"...
I couldn't survive without Caller ID. I don't care much for the caller ID but a handphone with sufficient credit and reception is essential.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends
. Acquaintances yes, plenty...
I am currently single. And ready to mingle...
I have pecked someone of the same sex. Like a bird pecking on its food, or on the cheek as in a smooch? I can't resist pecking on babies...
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. Katulahan nanti...
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
. Drunk, yes, but passed out, no.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before. Hey, I teach this stuff in the maternity clinic...
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I'm shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. Believe me, big mistake!
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend
. Let's see the cause before we do that...
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. Don't fancy Pizzas, but I think Little Italy in KK makes the best Pizza...
I have used my sexuality to advance my career. More like, I wish I could...
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. Not in Malaysia. But the costume party is pretty cool.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. Love it.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with girls.
I'm obsessed with boys.
"Obsession" has a very specific medical definition to it...
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met. I tie my lace-up shoes ONCE after I got them, loose enough so that I can just slip them on for the rest of its useful lifetime.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced. I have only my left ear pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can. Anyone who bolds this should read about helminths...
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.

Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules
. No, COFFEE rules...
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours
. I only put on dark earthy colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. Meaning, this questionnaire?
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither. Oh yucks!
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep. I snore...
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. Oh the typical Roddy thing...
I have jazz in my blood. But its kinda ressessive, because I know I have it somewhere but it doesn't come out phenotypically as the ability to play Jazz...
Climbing trees is a brilliant pastime. Any Sabahan who bolds this one is asking for it...
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. Make it at LEAST five... and that's counting in a small office...
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist. In my own rights...
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex. I like many people, same sex or otherwise...
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I love being happy.


20080111

the one about the fleeting nature of life...

It was too soon after I've said about being pushed around in this rat-eat-rat world that I received another shock this morning to know that my days in HIV unit were ending, actually ended, since the memo of transfer is due to come out next Monday... I was of course flabbergasted, not much to say but to curse the fate I am faced with...

I love my job and am proud to stand among the few that can say the same... but what can I do when I become the victim of the system.

This reminds me of the fleeting nature of life itself. The wisdom that I can take home (or wherever they're sending me next) is probably to realise that everything in life is temporary... One day it is here, and the next, it is not (like my job)...

So since I am still here today, what can I do to make the most out of it?

*sigh...*

20080110

the one about taking a step at a time...

Being pushed around in this result-orientated world, sometime we forget that success usually starts with a small step, not leaps... and babies know better when it comes to taking little steps at a time...











Aaawwwww... I love babies....

20080106

the one about love and pain...

It has been exactly a year today, since I was single again. There has not been much discussion about the issue, as I find people are still playing tactful when we're about to touch on this particular topic...

Throughout this time of solitarity, I have never once looked back in regret over the dicision I have made. I do not mean that I am so ever glad to be out of the relationship, being attached does bring about certain comfort and confidence, that no matter how badly life drags you along its rocky path, you'll always have someone to be there for you, even though it may not necessarily mean physically.

But what I do feel bad about, is that many of the time when the pain struck I was left to confront my dark nights alone. A friend described the same feeling while experiencing an almost similar issue, of which I think puts my thoughts exactly into words: It was alomost like I was naked, but no friends came to clothe me, I was thirsty and no friends offered a drink, I was hungry and no friends offered a bite, I was alone and no friends came to sit by me.

Of course I cannot generalise like this, as this was also the time when I was able to separate gems and glass...

I was hoping only to gain wisdom in exchange of all that I had to go through. As Gibran said about pain, that it is the breaking of the shell that encloses our understanding, even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must we know pain. If we could you keep our hearts in wonder at the daily miracles of our life, our pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy.

And in finding the meaning of love, he said that love has no desire, other than to fulfill itself. Even if we must have desires, let our desires be to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night, to know the pain of too much tenderness. Let us desire to be wounded by our own understanding of love; and of it, to bleed willingly and joyfully.

As for me at this point of time, I will let love to direct my course as it finds worthy of me, and hopefully I will find the secrets of my heart, and in that knowledge, become a fragment of Life's heart...

20080105

the one about my Boss, a great honest man...

Honesty doesn't have a place in our world anymore today...

Dato' Sri Dr. Chua Soi Lek

Many of my friends asked me this question, "Hey, what happened to your Boss, ah?" In my opinion, he screwed up, yes he did, but who doesn't? The fact that he admits to it instantly, makes him a great man with balls. Although what he did cannot be accepted as morally right in any way, but he has shown us the value of honesty and humility. How come people don't notice that?

the one about making resolution in different light...

Have you put up your new year's resolutions? What would they be? How determined are you to achieve them?

The thoughts came in a different dimention and importance yesterday as spoke to 2 person who'd have to have to make their new year's resolutions in a different light.

Yesterday our night clinic resumed after a few weeks break from end-year busy-spell. We got about 16 sex workers to walk in for their STD check-up, and 2 of them were reactive to HIV rapid test.

The first was a FSW who has been in the business for about 5 years, and has got a friend who died from AIDS. She was keeping very quiet when I broke the news to her, I think little did she expect the result to be so. She was keeping quite composed throughout the counseling session, until when she was about to leave, then she broke down and I had to ask a colleague to usher her into another room to talk some more.

The second was not a sex worker, but a boy who has been quite naughty, and he heard of our STD clinic by word of mouth on the street. I first treated his GC and chatting about his ex wife and 5 years old son that he has not seen for a bit while waiting for his result, when it came back also as reactive for HIV. He gave the same classical "shocked" look as the lady earlier, and also was lost for words.

I asked them about their plans, but how can anyone think of anything after such a life-sentence?

Given the same situation, how would you do your resolutions?

20080102

the one about purpose...

Given the year-long absence from Church, I find it quite difficult to go back to reading spiritual materials, especially if the author writes in a manner that makes every reader (meaning: me) feel like a lower-than-dirt-level, good-for-nothing, spot-reserved-in-hell kind of sinner and he's going to write me a solution to Salvation.

Such is my problem with pride...

I came across Rick Warren in one of his books saying that the purpose my life is greater than my own personal fulfillment, than my peace of mind, or even my happiness. My purpose in life is far greater than my family, my career, or even my wildest dreams and ambitions.

I had to reread the paragraph and see if there was any punctuation play, or any words that I missed, because I don't exactly know what to do with such statements.

I have pondered on this issue before, when we talk about our reason or the meaning of existence, is there any other way to describe it other than to talk on purpose... and if Warren says (and if G means it so too) that the meaning of existence is none of the above-mentioned, what then?

Thinking back of what is my purpose in life, or maybe the direction I am heading, there was a time when I was thinking only about the Restoration of the Church, like St Francis of Asisi's calling. Having that gave much direction in my life in general, until my long vacation away to the desert of dark nights, that is. I don't even know if G still wants me to do these things. I long for the days when everything was clear, and I know what exactly to read on, and I know what to talk about, and I can plan up who to meet and what to do, because I was in the Restoration business. Well, that was really a while back and I need to talk to G about these things again.

Sometimes we are too hung up in trying to see the bigger picture of our Purpose in Life, when what we were meant to fulfill with our being is over looked in the moment-to-moment God-incidences. The details, as G planned out, could be for us to just be around, to give someone a pat on the back, to offer a lift, to say something uplifting on the phone, to lovingly point out a mistake, to remember that verse when someone's at the end of his wit just trying to recall where it came from...

20080101

the one about just another New Year...

Another year has come and gone, and generally we do make a big fuss over it. Relatively, time and space is a continuum, and there isn't any real break in between, hence, there's not much point to make such a big deal out of it. To the general population, any reason to drink one's self silly and party is a good reason to celebrate. Anyway, to avoid starting the year in such a pessimistic tone...

Happy New Year 2008!...

New year is a time to re-do the halfway done resolutions from last year, and going down the list I've put up for 2007, I've only managed to complete 33.33% of what I wanted to do. I have two plants on my office table, I attended a Jazz concert, took a walk in the rain in HK, watched sunrise with friends (with Carlsberg as early breakfast) and did more than 50 blog entries, even if I take away song lyrics and poems.

What I really wanted to do and not have a chance to achieve was to get a tattoo. Reaching BMI 28 is realistically unrealistic. But hey, at least I've joined the gym!

To start off I've decided that the new year resolutions shouldn't be as shallow as what I've put up last year, but rather more philosophically. Like first and foremost, improve.

During the season of brooding over my life's legacy (usually November) I've come to realise that most of what I have done in the past were not built on rocks but rather sand. It's rather ego-crashing to admit that many of the things I've started did not sustain. There was the CG in Lahad Datu, the Youth Ministry of StGabriel Chapel that also went down after I let go, the Peanut Butter Project got abandoned after I left, and of course a broken engagement to put into account.

I can't say that 2007 has been the greatest but it sure did pack in most of Life's Lessons. There are many things that I wish that I could have done better, but Life is a Pilgrimage, with every moment a Homage to the Creator, those that look back with regret do not deserve the rest of the Journey ahead.

20071111

the one song that tells about my life so perfectly...

So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding onto what I am
Pretendin' I'm a superman
I'm tryin' to keep
The ground on my feet
It seems the world's
Fallin' down around me
The nights are all long
I'm singin' this song
To try and make the answers
More than maybe

And I'm so confused
About what to do
Sometimes I want
To throw it all away

So here I am
Growin' older all the time
Lookin' older all the time
Feelin' younger in my mind
And here I am
Doing everything I can
Holdin' onto what I am
Pretendin' I'm a superman

I'm tryin' to sleep
I lost count of sheep
My mind is racin' faster every minute
What could I do more
Yeah I'm really not sure
I know I'm runnin' circles
But I can't quit

And I'm so confused
About what to do
Sometimes I want to
Throw it all away

Controllin' everything in site
I'm feelin' weak
I don't feel right
You're tellin' me
I have to change
Tellin' me to act my age
But if all that I can do
Is just sit and watch time go
Then I'll have to say good bye
Life's too short to watch it fly
Watch it fly

So here I am
Growin' older all the time
Lookin' older all the time
Feeling younger in my mind
And here I am
Doin' everything I can
Holdin' onto what I am
Pretendin' I'm a Superman

20071110

the one about being an eligible bachelor...

I was going through my sister's piles of old magazines when one caught my attention as the selected reading while I take a dump (a bad habit really difficult to shake off). It says on the front cover "Babelicious Bachelors!", though I may come quite far from being one of them, but judging on their responses to the standard questions posed, I think I can answer some of them better.

If I were to join, my column would be like this...

ARTEo
Medical Officer, 28


Describe yourself in 5 words I am who I am... A woman is most beautiful when she carries her family on one shoulder and her career on the other... one who knows what she wants... The nicest thing a woman's ever said to me is anything that starts with "can I tell you the truth..." How would you describe your style? You'll seldom find me spotting a necktie... I ma more of a polo and jeans person, and half of my wardrobe is from Giordano. I also wear a red ribbon to promote awareness on AIDS... I know she's special when she accepts my inadequacies and appreciates my extras (including extra bodyweight)... What scares you? Lizards and flying cockroaches... What were you teased about as a child? Apart from my weight, people call me Roti and Teh-O... Go figure... Men makes the worst nuns... If I could trade place with a man for a day, I'd pick the Pope... Describe your date from hell pointy face, horns, glossy red skin and carries a hay-fork... other than that, anyone who cannot carry a decent conversation beyond the first few minutes... A wife beater has no balls... What is an antimacassar? The piece of thick tissue found on headrest of airplane chairs... I'm currently listening to jazz... It's always jazz...

the time i should start looking back at the year that was...

About almost the same time last year I underwent a serious discernment that would change my life and my surrounding in quite a major way. It didn't exactly start then (as I have been evaluating and re-evaluating the thoughts many many many times before) but one show got it going... I was watching Ed, and in that particular episode, he asked himself what is his legacy... what would he be leaving behind once he is dead and gone...

Well my thoughts were not as morbid as his, but I started considering a lot of my own feelings and emotions and all those things a busy man should have no time to think about... (and yep, I plunged myself deeper into work as a result of some decision I made, and yet work can only provide so much short-term reliefs from the pain I went through)

The year that was has shown many things in life that I am not sure I was ever ready to see, but still, as one would say that everything happens for a purpose, it left me many opportunities to reason out every strands of experience that made me the person I am today.

Yet I would not exchange the world for any of those that I went thorugh.

20071109

the one about pleasure by kahlil gibran

Pleasure is a freedom-song, But it is not freedom.
It is the blossoming of your desires,
But it is not their fruit.
It is a depth calling unto a height, But it is not the deep nor the high. It is the caged taking wing,
But it is not space encompassed.
Ay, in very truth, pleasure is a freedomsong.
And I fain would have you sing it with fullness of heart; yet I would not have you lose your hearts in the singing.

Some of your youth seek pleasure as if it were all, and they are judged and rebuked.
I would not judge nor rebuke them. I would have them seek.
For they shall find pleasure, but not her alone;
Seven are her sisters, and the least of them is more beautiful than pleasure.
Have you not heard of the man who was digging in the earth for roots and found a treasure?

And some of your elders remember pleasures with regret like wrongs committed in drunkenness.
But regret is the beclouding of the mind and not its chastisement.
They should remember their pleasures with gratitude, as they would the harvest of a summer.
Yet if it comforts them to regret, let them be comforted.

And there are among you those who are neither young to seek nor old to remember;
And in their fear of seeking and remembering they shun all pleasures, lest they neglect the spirit or offend against it.
But even in their foregoing is their pleasure.
And thus they too find a treasure though they dig for roots with quivering hands.
But tell me, who is he that can offend the spirit?
Shall the nightingale offend the stillness of the night, or the firefly the stars?
And shall your flame or your smoke burden the wind?
Think you the spirit is a still pool which you can trouble with a staff?

Oftentimes in denying yourself pleasure you do but store the desire in the recesses of your being.
Who knows but that which seems omitted today, waits for tomorrow?
Even your body knows its heritage and its rightful need and will not be deceived.
And your body is the harp of your soul,
And it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds.

And now you ask in your heart, "How shall we distinguish that which is good in pleasure from that which is not good?"
Go to your fields and your gardens, and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower,
But it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee.
For to the bee a flower is a fountain of life,
And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love,
And to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.

People of Orphalese, be in your pleasures like the flowers and the bees.

20071028

the day i went to try out a gym...

The year is setting, but might still have a chance at the BMI modification plan...

i didn't manage to capture a shot at the gym, but the rest of the facility is great

I went over to a resort health club to check out the facilities today. The fees could be a tad hefty but the philosophy goes, that if it is something I paid for, it will serve as a motivation to keep going, as opposed to it being free...

that's my gym shoes down there

Let's see how long my kiasuness can keep me on the treadmill...

20071021

the day i watched sunrise...

date achieved: 21 October 2007


it won't do much justice to nature if this pic is in b&w...

Taken just a few minutes apart, it is quite impossible to capture that glorious magnificence of sunrise in black and white. Though this isn't the first sunrise I've seen in this year, but more often than not I lack the luxury of my camera being with me...

20071015

the one about my acummulating stress... and the time i got more new books and gadgets..

Stress at work is piling up as more reports are to be written and the end of Ramadhan means a lot of catch up courses and meetings to do... seemingly no amount of coffee and jazz can pin my nerves down on this, been having sleepless nights and drowsy days for the past few weeks to juggle work and work and... work.

On many occasions I was reprimanded for my mistakes, most of it deservingly, and all of it makes me want to do better the next time. I just wonder how many "next times" are there for me to spend before I exhaust it all.

Still I manage to steal little pleasures on little escape trips to the bookshop and to get a sip of my usual from the comforting paper cup.

my treasures on the table adding up to about RM2000 worth of compulsive buying

What's new, a big book by Jamie Oliver, a new one by Ben Okri called Starbook, one about dieting , a brand new Sony NW 860, a brand new Sony Ericson W660i, and my usual venti caffe mocha to go with whip..

Over-doing it? I think so too... but what is the price of sanity?

20070929

the day i took pictures for my cousin's wedding...

A chance to practice my unsung skills in photography, I was asked to snap pics during my cousin's wedding ceremony.

And this is my winning shot.

The coloured version is available in my flickr...

20070915

the one about our local sex commercialism...

Having been on the street for about as month, I have familiarised myself with the night scene of the local sex commercialism. I have been out for exactly 13 nights, distributed more than 2 cartons of comdoms and about 90 health education flyiers, and done about 1 - 5 street counselings a night.

Walking the street mostly alone, and known popularly among the night people as "Eddie Kondom" I have the opportunity to observe the business in close proximity.

One sexual transaction usually consist of a blowjob "icecream" or a handjob "bayu-bayu". These are regularly priced at RM50 a session, while anal penetration "oring" will cost up to RM200 a session.

Being such a regular wallpaper at the scene of the local sex trade, I have made friends with the important anchors or "mommies" of these sex workers, and as JR has taught me the secret of surviving on the streets before, the night people will be able to sense if you're sincere about doing your job, I was able to get close to them and in more than one occasions, they had smartly brought me to escape the CIDs roaming the street sometimes up to no good.

At the current moment only about 10 percent of them are attending my STD clinic but I am still happy with the slow but promising progress, as 2 out of the 3 prominent mommies are coming and actively siphoning their people in.

My current concern is this.. being friends with them is one matter, but standing face to face with prostitution, and this rotten morality so harshly scorned in the Bible, I wonder if there is a greater purpose for me being in the street with them, but surely I know that by handing out rubbers I am only concerned about the spread of HIV as a measure of harm reduction.


Maybe at this point of time, morality is someone else's job.

20070828

the day i went to a concert... a jazz concert!

Date achieved: 11 August 2007

the jazz scenario in kota kinabalu is still limited to a very minute group of jazz-lovers but most of the people around does not mind any music as long as it's good

Something that I've always wanted to do, and finally given a chance at it, was to attend a Jazz Appreciation Concert. I have had many opportunities before, I mean, it happened right under my nose a couple of times while I was still studying, but never got the money for it.

the appetizer for the night was presented by a local group from SIA. they were quite good, really..

It was a fine show, well, Jazz can't really go wrong (my biased opinion) and I enjoyed myself tremendously that night. The concert started on time, the bands were great, but I feel that KK people still has a long way to go in Jazz appreciation.

More than a Jazz Appreciation night, it was really a night for the upper middle and upper class people to come out, put on skimpy dresses and thick make-up, hit a few beers, meet influential people... and make a lot of noise through-out the show.

In more than one occasion I was really tempted to shush some people and ask them to shut-up.


There is a plan to make this a yearly event. Well, yea, I'd like that.

this group played a fusion of east and west, the usual jazz instruments and erhu - the result, splendid

another of those local bands

double take - mia palencia and roger wang... i took pride in telling that roger actually strung my guitar when i bought it from his shop some years back

and of course, the highlight of the night was a photo session with my favourite local jazz duo (Sandra, Mia, Roger and myself)

20070822

the one about getting my hands dirty

The government is very sensitive when it comes to addressing our country's current issues on sex-trades, and even more when it comes to the people involved in it. The sexual-taboo is not exactly particular to our country alone but also generally a culture of the common Asians. While trying to be sensitive in addressing prostitutes, and calling them 'commercial sex-workers' so as to reduce the negative connotation attached to such trades, we are also very prone to avoid talking about them at all, or even worse, to pretend that such issue is not that big a deal to us.

The society, at large, is uneasy when forced to confront the reality of these issues. Even for us, at the medical level, try to manipulate words and give broad-covering names to address a certain group of people that you-know and I-know. I am referring to the "marginalised group" that we target, as vulnerable to HIV infection and AIDS.

Who doesn't know what we are talking about when use the phrase "marginalised group" - but to the untrained, anybody can be marginalised in any given context. So what are we trying to achieve here,.. sensitivity and tactfulness - but at the cost of ignorance?

I think the world is ignorant enough as it is already.

Running a meeting a few weeks back brought me to realise, that I too may have a pinch of reservation when it comes to the marginalised groups. I am thinking specifically of the transvestites that roam the night scenes, cat-calling passers-by with their more often than not gruffy voices and sometimes proudly showing off the effect of injectable steroids on their pseudo-appendages. These are the people that too little in the world is willing to work with.

I once gave the permission to a friend to give me a good tight slap on the face - if I ever loose sight of our purpose - our mission, that is to preserve, or fight for, the quality of life. Sounds like a terribly big word - QUALITY OF LIFE. Sometimes I do find myself pondering into its deeper meaning, as if it needs lots and lots of explanation to comprehend.

I once belong to a group of activist yuppies, going round a red lantern district of Kuala Lumpur, fighting for quality of life. We were the Rounders of Jeffrey Rounds. Other members reading this may not exactly conform or agree to my definition of purpose, but there lies the beauty of JR. Apart from about four common ground rules, we were pretty free to come up with our own philosophy and purpose regarding our participation in JR.

Three out of four of the ground rules were basically just to cover for our safety: do not carry money, always wear shoes and always watch for each-others' backs (or back-sides, as we like to put it) and number 4 actually states that we are here on a neutral banner: which pretty much says that people of any religion, race, motives, anything, can come along.

Yep, those were the days when bills and taxes were not much an agenda in our daily lives.

Another remarkable thing about JR was how the ideology of it were spread. Being young and eager, the world belonged to those with a clear vision and an interesting philosophy. Well, clear vision wasn't really one of our greatest strength, as we too build our ideas as we went along, but being able to relate the philosophy behind JR and transplant it in the head of others was the key strategy that kept us going for years, come rain or -- no rain.

One other thing about JR that I just have to mention here, was the willingness to get down and dirty. The street people were very sensitive to whether or not we were sincere in our approach, as we were not the only group going around the area doing 'charity'. So the only way (to me, at least, I can't think of any other better ways) to scrap off prejudices and get down to their level, was really to get down to their level, literally. We would come and sit on the floor, cross-legged, keeping our eyes peeled for stray needles and cockroaches as we listened to their stories. Everybody has a story to tell, and if listening to them will elevate their morale for at least 2 minutes, hey, we're all ears.

So back to my current story. As I was saying... what the world needs more of, is people who are willing to get down and get their hands dirty. As I realised that the HIV picture will never come down by having me sitting down in my air-cond room analysing figures months after months, I will have to come down and and get my hands dirty.

As we were told, once a rounder, always a rounder.

20070820

the day i took a walk in the rain...

date achieved: 15 August 2007

my boss getting a good dose of skyjuice

I remembered the last time I had a good walk in the rain was with Vic, probably some 8 years ago, from SFX Church after Sunday Mass to Sunway Pyramid. A whole 45 minutes of poedal action in the rain, avoiding splashes from motor-vehicles on the Federal Highway. Crazy, but it was all fun..

In fact, for some people, especially for Vic, Keets and some other people I know, walking is a purely spiritual thing. Walking cleanses the soul, they claimed, as they boasted of a 40km adventure cross bushes and highways a while ago.

For me, the big thing was not in the walking alone, but also in the rain. I used to watch the sky and got my cycling gears ready as the clouds gathered.

My most recent adventure out in the rain was in Hong Kong few days back. I put my money where the travel book said it would be hot and humid because of summer, but I never imagined the humidity would drench me out in the open. I can't say that I welcomed the rain as much as I did many years ago. But fun was still fun, and though it did not do much good 'cleansing' as it soaked my Camel loafers, I did enjoy the downpour.

So, yes, I walked in the rain - and this is one of thing I wanted to achieve this year.

20070806

the one about the song that's been playing in my mind

FIRE & RAIN
James Taylor


Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now

the one about the movie: 9 naga

the actual controversy is the belly button and the strands of hair noted under it. rubbish...

We all love a feel good movie on a weekend. I have a fancy for Indonesian movie, especially the ones directed by Rudi Soedjarwo, among many, Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? (Keets, right?), Tentang Dia and 9 Naga. I do not know if he has released any newer movies but the ones I have, I watched over and over again.

Just now I was in a mood for the rerun of 9 Naga.

The story tells of a special relationship between 3 youngsters: Marwan, Donny and Lenny, who has been friends since childhood. They met through a fated tragedy, involving a lot of violence and death, a bloody one at that, unexpected profitability from the incident and from then on became a team of hitmen, taking lives for money.

What I like about the movie, is definitely the cinematography. The story-line about standing up for each other, and going through the pain of losses, grips tight on the heart.

I didn't know the movie went through quite a bumpy ride before its release, as reported in Detikcom - Indonesia's Entertainment Website - specifically 2 issues were brought up for questioning.

First, was the tag-line for the movie that went: Manusia terbaik di Indonesia adalah seorang penjahat. Rudy got a lot of trouble with the tagline and was forced to take it off before release.

Another hiccup, was the poster - that showed the guy's belly-button (or as they call it in Indon, pusar) Probably it has got something to do with aurat, but I took the liberty to post up the actual banned poster up here.

You think I'm joking about this... as taken from www.kompas.com:

Hal kedua yang bikin "gerah" LSF adalah foto Fauzi Baadila yang memperlihatkan pusarnya di poster film itu. "Hal lain adalah pusar dan soal rambut yang terlihat di bawah pusar dalam foto di poster itu. Memang masih pakai celana tapi bisa menimbulkan penafsiran yang negatif. Kami juga minta supaya itu ditutup saja," ucap Titie.

Tacky taglines and belly buttons aside, I still think this movie is a winning must see. Watch it for the abstract meanings, watch it for the friendship and loyalty so nicely captured in the acting. Watch it for the superb script. I have watched the movie countless times, and will do again some other time... it's THAT good... have a go at it.

(while watching this, I was reminded of the friends I spent most of my formative years with - fighting for a cause, standing for our beliefs... guys, I'm waiting here, for when you all come back, we'll do it all over again...)

The feel good part about this movie is having people in my mind - of my friends.

p/s: Damn it, I miss you all!

20070803

the one about my trip to sibu...

here I go again...

With so many travels and hotel stays, I've decided that it would be futile to keep up with my caloric intakes... not that it is impossible, just that.... well excuses shmexcuses, I just don't feel like doing it for now...

i can still do this with one hand tied, blindfolded and turned round and round 10 times...

My last travelling itenerary brought me over to the rear end of the Borneon Dog-shaped map, Sarawak. Spent a week in Sibu attending a course on Scientific Writing for Publication.

not very different I'd say...

I had to sit through a 5 hours transit for a connecting flight from Kuching before getting on board again for Sibu. Kuching, after weighing the enormous hu ha about how it is much cleaner than my very own KK, and how much livelier, more beautiful and all sort of unseen glories, I concluded that I still like KK better.

rajang river - the longest in Malaysia

waterfront walk in Kuching - Sunday morning and almost all the shops are closed...

The whole experience brought me back to a very recent past, during my pre-clinical days when we were force-fed modules on research methods and statistical analysis bla-bla-bla... I thought as I grew older and more mature, I'd be able to tolerate more of these serious stuffs... which proved me wrong right at the first quarter of the hour. Soundly asleep and literally soundly asleep, I had to be shaken awake a few times by the poor guy next to me.

But Sibu as a town isn't bad at all... what I'd imagine to be something like Kudat or maybe Lahad Datu turned out to be as big as KK itself - packed, colourful and interesting.

Taking a stroll at night across the hotel I stayed in (Kingwood Hotel) there was a bigger than life Swan, with an equally bigger than life head. It's cute, and nothing else. Sibu was christened the swan city, believed to be the landing pad for swans migrating across the equator but according to some honest locals, they'd never seen any of those around... Wikipedia gave a more brutally honest account on how the town's connection to this particular avian came about, just check it out.

gaaawwwkkk...!!

Just like Kuching, Sibu (I'm beginning to suspect the whole of Sarawak) does not have any proper shopping malls, with the most happening one being Parkson. I was asking around when I arrived in Kuching, where is the recommended shopping mall to hang out (I need aircond) and I was suggested Parkson. When I reached Sibu, I asked the same question, and was again told Parkson..

"Parkson juga?"

So this is Parkson, the most happening hang out place in Sibu (sure beats Lahads Datu's Milimewa anytime)...

It only took approximately 37minutes to walk around the mall before you finished the whole tour...

and lunch wasn't quite a selection... guess what did i have?

the Sibu Jetty

I particularly appreciate the marketplace - taxi uncle that brought us for a tour claimed that this is the biggest market plaza in Malaysia - I don't know, I have to check in the Malaysia Book of Records to be sure - but I enjoyed most hunting for pics here...

varieties of vegetables...

dried groceries - salted shrimps here are called udang lurus - after the way they straighten the shrimps

fruits...

toys

This could be a local version of McD's Chicken Foldover... this one wins by its super freshness!

no chicken were harmed (yet) during the photography session

there's also McDucks Foldover

Courses are the only time I can rest actually, and during one of the free afternoons, I took chance to watch Harry Porter in Sibu's only cineplex - only RM5 and free seating - reminiscent of my earlier days watching movies at Rex Cinema at Petaling Street.

of all places...